My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
