Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
