and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
