wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
