everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
