The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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