Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
