If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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