Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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