i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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