And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
