That's when you crack a 10am beer
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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