Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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