i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
