i can't believe i had my finger in that
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
