Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
