a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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