i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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