There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
