I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
