for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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