and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize