I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
