I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
