she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
