I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
