Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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