eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
