Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
