distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
