The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
