Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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