Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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