well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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