Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
