the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
