3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
