how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
