Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
