we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize