I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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