Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
