U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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