Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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