we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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