My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
