I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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