so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
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