I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
