No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize