Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
