i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
