Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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