We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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