It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
