why didn't you poke me back
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
