why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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