I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
