I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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