so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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