Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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