Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
