she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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