i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
