I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize