Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
