He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
