i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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