Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
