I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
