If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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