At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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