don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
