when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
