we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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