I CAN MOONWALK!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
no, he came in my armpit
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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