So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
