"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
