is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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