Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
