I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
