Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
