My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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