this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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